Positive Self-Esteem

The single most important factor that determines whether children grow up to be happy and successful is their self-esteem.  A good self-esteem is the real magic wand that can form a child's future.  A child's self esteem affects every area of her existence, from the friends she chooses, to how well she does academically in school, to what kind of job she gets, to the person she chooses to marry.

HOW CAN PARENTS HELP?
Steer them into areas of affirmation.

Help them recognize their strengths and skills.
Help your child recognize special interest, skills, and strengths. These can become a talent or hobby that provides a refuge in the storm for an adolescent. Teach him to compensate for weaknesses and never compare those areas with someone else’s strengths.

Praise Often.
Mark Twain once said, “I can live two months on one good compliment!”  Make sure that the positive things you say to your child outnumber the negative things by three to one.  Always look for ways to praise a child’s skills, talents, and abilities. When you compliment a child, be very specific and concrete.  For instance, “You did a great job of cleaning your room.  I especially like the way you made your bed and arranged your stuffed animals.”
Finally, always praise your child for being who she is, not just for what she can do

Encourage Often.
Praise celebrates the results of a child’s action.  Encouragement celebrates a child’s effort--regardless of the result. Children are much more likely to take risks and try something new if they know they don’t have to be best at it. Praise effort by commenting on the process or feelings and thoughts that went into the work.  Children glow when parents are interested in what goes on inside them as they produce.  For example, you might note your child’s great concentration during soccer practice or the warmth of the red coloring in your youngster’s picture.

• With younger children, always make sure all school clothes are clean, neat, mended, and pressed.

• Kids can become great consumers when they control the money.  Develop a realistic budget and then stick to it.  Then provide a school clothing allowance and teach them how to shop!

• If kids want expensive items, have them pay the difference from their pocket money or earnings.

• Check out garage sales for great bargains.

• Never pay retail for anything.  Shop at the outlet stores.  (Have kids research where the best bargains can be found.)

• Shopping at local thrift shops is a great way to save money!

Basic Hygiene
Personal cleanliness is essential.  Inform older children that with the onset of puberty, there is an increase in body odor and in oil production.  Therefore, a teen's hair and face require washing often.  While children are younger, establish a morning and evening routine that includes the following list. 

• Bathe daily.

• Wash their hair regularly.

• Brush their teeth a minimum of twice daily.

• Use deodorant. (for older kids)

Grooming
Hygiene deals with cleanliness.  Grooming is more subjective.  It deals with one’s over-all appearance and includes everything from neatness of hair to the condition of one’s complexion. Help where you can with:

• A new hair cut.

• New glasses or contact lenses.

• Braces.

• A trip to the dermatologist.

Personal Habits 

Some habits are irritating and annoying.  For example:  One youngster scratched the back of his throat with his tongue producing a horrific sucking noise.  Discuss how you feel when you are exposed to someone who chews food with his mouth open or does not cover his nose when he sneezes.

Basic Social Skills

Some children fail to pick up social cues that dictate appropriate behavior.  Consequently, they may have trouble making or keeping friends.  For example:  They may turn kids off by talking too loudly, acting like a know-it-all, or not knowing how to take a joke.  Likewise, they may brag, be aggressive, or bossy.  In their book, Teaching Your Children Values, Linda and Richard Eyre suggest three keys to friendliness.

• Smiles brighten the day for those who give and receive them.

• Asking gets the conversation started and lets the other person know you are interested in him.

• Listening  helps you learn about someone and show him that you care.

And finally, parents can help by understanding the three integral parts of self-esteem. Dr. Maurice Wagner in The Sensation of Being Somebody, talks of the three integral parts of a person's self- esteem: “feeling that you belong, that you’re worthwhile and that you are capable.”

• Feeling you belong.
  When a child feels he belongs, he genuinely feels he is loved, cared for, and enjoyed.  To enable your child to feel he belongs at home, shift your focus to your child’s good behavior.  Make sure your nonverbal communication is positive. And lastly, each day find at least one thing you can enjoy with your youngster.

• Feeling you are worthwile.
  Once a child feels loved, he begins to believe he is worthy of being loved. Consequently, he begins to feel he is worthwhile.  This sense of worthiness deals primarily with self-acceptance.  It is the one thing that enables a child to look in the mirror and like what he sees.  Also, this sense of worthiness translates into feeling accepted, important and significant. Make sure your child feels he is worthwhile in the home by spending time with him; providing plenty of focused attention; asking for advice or his opinion on something such as gun control, education or uniforms in school; and finally celebrating the uniqueness of each child.

• Feeling you are capable.
  When a child feels capable, he feels adequate and strong. He also feels like he can cope, make good choices, have control over his conduct, and be able to handle things.  It is this I Can feeling that enables us to face life and cope with all its complexities. Help your youngster feel capable and competent by celebrating small successes; linking behavior with choices and then focusing on the right choices with appreciation, acknowledgment, praise, and encouragement and finally helping your child feel the feeling of accomplishment.  In addition to stating your own pleasure, make sure you recognize your youngster’s sense of pleasure, too.  For example, comments like, “I can see how proud you are,” or “you must be very happy with this,” enables your child to build confidence in himself and not just in his ability to please others.